best friends

let's be clear about this--one of the considerations that i think anyone has to consider when relocating is the fact that we will be leaving people. leaving people is never easy, unless, of course, we hate them. but in the case of best friends, that is not the case, if i may be redundant.

my best friend is dave o. i have known dave for over 10 years, or something like that. we both used to be actors here in l.a., and we actually did a couple of plays together. i remember thinking that dave was one of the coolest dudes i had ever known--he had the right hats and the convertible classic car and the sinatra attitude and god damn if he wasn't a pretty decent actor to boot. i remember that we once ran into each other at gay pride (what an oxymoron) one year and i think we were both cruising young guys at the time. so sue me. anyway, i remember telling him that we kept seeing each other, and that we seemed to have similar interests (young guys), and it didn't make sense that we weren't friends. in truth, i think i just wanted to be as cool as he was. cut to now...we are friends...best friends. and when i think about the idea of relocating, i can't do so without remembering that when i leave l.a., i will also be leaving dave o.

that is something to consider.

i have mentioned to dave that it might be a good idea for us to buy a condo together so that we have each other as friends and companions as we move into our "older" years, but if i were to move, that would negate that plan. but to stay in l.a.? a dilemma for sure. dave is not the only reason that i would stay in l.a.--we do really have the best weather in the entire world, but you already know that. beyond that though, weather is something i can give up. best friends are not. gotta think about this in any moving plan i make. i would not want to lose dave. we don't get best friends too often.

but...

melani, whom i have known for 25 years, is also a best friend. not like dave, because she lives in connecticut, but a best friend nonetheless, and melani and i have not lived in the same city for 15 years. and yet we are still best friends. is that something i would settle for with dave? dunno.

the beginning of the end

when i wrote the title to this post, i thought, "oh good god, what a way to start a blog site". but despite the downward tone of the title, please do not be deceived. in this case, and perhaps only in this case, the "beginning of the end" is a good thing. what it means in this case is that i am at the start of a journey that will eventually take me OUT of los angeles for good, and into a place that is more wonderful and shiny-happy. that is the purpose of this blog.

i actually had another blog for a spell on myspace, and i am rather happy with the 50 of so posts that i made on there. but the nature of those posts was personal, and on this site i intend to steer away from the personal and veer toward the public, that is, a discussion/forum about the best living spaces for an educated single foodie queer who can't quite ever leave the city. i plan to post about cities i have visited and cities i intend to visit, and hope to encourage feedback from readers about these same cities.

some history: i have been in los angeles since '91, when i decided to leave san diego and give the big city a try. i came here because i was a performer: dancer, actor, singer, and i really did all of those things. i was 28 at the time, and full of big dreams of stardom, fame, fortune, and love. in a nutshell, i worked quite a bit, primarily in theater, and yet i could never play the network game that was required in order for me to get work in television and film, and so flash forward to my late 30's where i found myself wondering what i might be doing when i was 50. cue graduate school and a masters in clinical psychology, and a realization that, as an industry town, los angeles would never do for me a a person who majored in relating.

don't get me wrong. i love the city, but like the best of relationships, i also loathe it. but the part that i loathe is that part that is the worst of it--the narcissism, the meanness, the utter lack of community, and the values: money, youth, beauty. now, while i like to think that i have some of the previously mentioned values, i am at a point in my life where those things are not the most important things anymore. and in los angeles, they are the most important. you see, they are not my values anymore. i was thinking recently about how i have been here for nearly 20 years, and yet when i go into the local starbucks i don't know a single person, and they don't know me. that is NOT fucking okay to me anymore. at the gym that i have been going to for over 5 years they still check my i.d. as if they have never seen me. that is not fucking okay to me anymore. and here on my street, the neighbor will come over and mention that she wants the hedges trimmed that border our properties, and she will introduce herself to me even though i have met her many times previously, and that is definitely NOT fucking okay with me.

like the old "cheers" song, i want to be in a place where they know my name. l.a. is not that place. you have to be famous. i am not famous. don't want to be anymore.

so a blog is born. the thinking is that i will stay here for maybe another 10 years, at which time i will pack my bags and say goodbye. but before i do that i need to know where i am going. i have time to figure that out. hopefully you all will help, if there is a you all. not the first time i have jumped into an abyss. here we go...