tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7178028168770339652.post658750363430423755..comments2023-05-01T02:51:55.139-07:00Comments on Mental Musings and Meltdowns: Giving up Dating, Part 2: An Update on the "Forever Stop"Tonyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02737992571206851964noreply@blogger.comBlogger14125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7178028168770339652.post-78920530010609594882016-03-04T16:09:47.788-08:002016-03-04T16:09:47.788-08:00Thanks, Ron...I am just continuing my process!Thanks, Ron...I am just continuing my process!Tonyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02737992571206851964noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7178028168770339652.post-70638291268529885992016-03-04T15:32:21.883-08:002016-03-04T15:32:21.883-08:00I need to re-read a time or two because there is s...I need to re-read a time or two because there is so much good stuff here. I feel the same way and you put into words what I doubt I could have. Hope you're well!Ron Stempkowskihttp://www.thexanaxdiary.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7178028168770339652.post-56360273968231901202016-01-02T08:53:39.566-08:002016-01-02T08:53:39.566-08:00I am glad to hear that you have a renewed sense of...I am glad to hear that you have a renewed sense of romanticism. You are far too young to lost it, and yet it is helpful to "edit" the story to one that works, rather than adopting the Cinderella narrative of "true love" blah blah blah. Wishing you a fruitful 2016 of exploration!Tonyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02737992571206851964noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7178028168770339652.post-73186546300696565962016-01-02T08:51:50.956-08:002016-01-02T08:51:50.956-08:00Happy New Year you cute thing! Self-love is ALWAYS...Happy New Year you cute thing! Self-love is ALWAYS part of the package, whatever package you choose!! And then its nice to have someone to hang out with--you have it all, sister!Tonyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02737992571206851964noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7178028168770339652.post-19899779344430221882016-01-01T16:34:11.194-08:002016-01-01T16:34:11.194-08:00Happy New Year Tony! Thanks for another interestin...Happy New Year Tony! Thanks for another interesting and thought-provoking read. The unknown is what's most interesting. I'm feeling a renewed sense of romanticism for life, and it is giving me food for thought in terms of what I am seeking from my relationships with everyone! The great bonus to this is that I also find myself contemplating these same concepts...I want romance, a healthy balance of self and other, and companionship, and I'm going to find it! I wish you the same.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14616511626207076147noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7178028168770339652.post-57884326266150394102016-01-01T15:10:10.691-08:002016-01-01T15:10:10.691-08:00spouse and I are in the "companionship" ...spouse and I are in the "companionship" phase; after 23 years, this is as good as it gets. I want for nothing and have a good life. besides, I like self-love better. :)<br /><br />HNY to you, dear; thank you for your friendship.anne marie in phillyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11765140782182605141noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7178028168770339652.post-42047559958762855742015-12-14T09:31:10.972-08:002015-12-14T09:31:10.972-08:00You make my essays sound like a skin creme that ne...You make my essays sound like a skin creme that needs time to absorb! :-p I am kidding, of course, and appreciate your desire to take your time with what I write. Goodness knows I take my time with writing them! As for luck, I have never relied on that imaginary force for much--intention works much better. The black/white mentality is not as entrenched as you might think--at least from my perspective. I have noticed that most guys are excited to let it go if something enticing is offered--such as freedom and spontaneity. The ones who are committed to the binary view just don't interest me much, and I am sure I don't interest them. Everybody gets what they want! And I agree that complexity is what makes it all worthwhile--otherwise we would be bored spitless.Tonyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02737992571206851964noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7178028168770339652.post-36627592061407666702015-12-12T14:04:21.258-08:002015-12-12T14:04:21.258-08:00I like to read your entries a few times over a per...I like to read your entries a few times over a period of recesses, so I can absorb all the thoughts and insights. like rjjs8878 and Jon I too get many things from you most marvelous entries. I look forward to them. <br />You are spot-on about the anxiety. I've seen many people get it down to a dull roar but few have achieved eradicating it. I am doing more about getting people to live with/through it then to eradicate it. <br /><br />As for that gray area - good luck. There is too much black/white mentality running around nowadays (isn't this considered Axis II pathology?) The complexity of the human psyche and its messy relationship consequences is what makes life worthwhile. <br />Ur-spohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04237644452200889946noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7178028168770339652.post-22024026343767180482015-12-10T09:47:08.650-08:002015-12-10T09:47:08.650-08:00Thanks for commenting and reading! I think it is e...Thanks for commenting and reading! I think it is easy to hookup, and there is "nothing wrong" with hooking up--it could definitely be in the fair exchange category. I don't think that it is either hooking up OR dating though--I am interested in the grey area in between. Tonyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02737992571206851964noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7178028168770339652.post-5457263494716943292015-12-10T06:50:06.469-08:002015-12-10T06:50:06.469-08:00I think I need to read this post several more time...I think I need to read this post several more times. I'm fifty-eight and single. I find it easier to hook up with guys than to find one I want to date. I guess I'm in the fair exchange phase.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7178028168770339652.post-59457251723431238862015-12-08T12:20:56.682-08:002015-12-08T12:20:56.682-08:00Jim, I may have learned about Pema from your blog!...Jim, I may have learned about Pema from your blog! We have benefitted from her experiences with chaos and fear. <br /><br />I don't know that I would have listened to myself when I was younger, but I do wish someone had tried to tell me. I may not have suffered as I did. But I like who I became and that is not so bad. Enjoy your "exchanges" and thank you for the kind comment. Tonyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02737992571206851964noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7178028168770339652.post-37061160091187746162015-12-08T12:18:39.329-08:002015-12-08T12:18:39.329-08:00Thanks Jon--I am glad I hit the target--of course ...Thanks Jon--I am glad I hit the target--of course this being only my perspective, but I find that relational perspectives cross boundaries. Happy Holidays!Tonyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02737992571206851964noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7178028168770339652.post-57291889726460041312015-12-07T16:33:40.998-08:002015-12-07T16:33:40.998-08:00Tony, good to hear that you are not done yet!!
Yo...Tony, good to hear that you are not done yet!!<br /><br />Your mention Of Pema Chodron got my attention immediately as she was the 'one' who gave me a good shake when I needed one with the assistance of a psychologist.<br />I learned that it was a human thing to feel and experience fear; how to deal with it was another matter of which I was not aware and/or never realized was an option. 'Leaning into fear' was what I needed to learn to do.<br /><br />I am thinking how I could have used your advice here when I was but a wee lad! But then I suppose it wouldn't have meant much at all at that time. I think it takes 'life experience' to come to these conclusions and a lot of trial and error. Nonetheless, it is great advice for those seeking relationship.<br />As you are aware, I am in a long-term relationship in which we both experienced everything that you mention above in some way, shape or form along the way. Yes, it would have been to our advantage as a couple and as individuals if we had been more aware of our needs at the time.<br />I believe we are in the 'fair exchange' mode now.....finally!! lol It is a lot easier and it better enables us both to be who we are without feeling threatened. <br /><br />So thanks for this essay, Tony. Your clients are lucky to have you.Jimhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11199777195853274898noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7178028168770339652.post-70164736692187511492015-12-06T11:18:16.702-08:002015-12-06T11:18:16.702-08:00Tony, you touched on so many things - and are righ...Tony, you touched on so many things - and are right on target with your observations. I truly appreciate your insight. This post needs to be read more than once to be fully absorbed (and that's what I plan to do). Jonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02619128793632680659noreply@blogger.com